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| An Indian Bride (wikipedia) |
It seems that there were a flurry of marriages this past month and at least one 'love' marriage in one of my friend's families. This took up much time over lunch discussing the reaction of both the groom and bride's side of the family. How did the parents handle it? Did they attend the wedding? (It seems they did not.) What will happen when the first grandchild arrives? Will that change things? No one can ignore their first grandchild, right?
Although my coworkers have young children or teenagers right now, I had to ask them what they would do in ten years time if one of their children wanted to marry someone they did not approve of or choose for them. What if their children did not want them to arrange their marriage?
Their responses varied from, "What can you do?" to "Who knows how much the culture will have changed in ten years time? Maybe it won't even be an issue?" They seemed to be more open to the possibility that their children may want to choose their own partner, which surprised me. Three of the woman in my office have 'love' marriages, not arranged marriages, so maybe I am in a different environment working in high tech or maybe things are slowly changing in India?
If any readers from India would like to comment, please do!
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| Bride and Groom from Maharani Weddings Website |
Hi Beth,
ReplyDeleteOf course yes, many of our parents do have a problem in "love" marriage. A few points i can think of
1) The caste system in Indian society is still rigid and strict..
I am 27 years old, but I still have images from my childhood taught by my family( which lives in the village) to look down at few people . I am mean by taught, when my family behaved in a different way, I also followed it , thinking that is how I was supposed to react to certain clan in the society. But now my generation has outgrown it, since we interact with much more variety of people. But for my parents and relatives it is still not acceptable
2) Astrology, this takes a toll in our lives.
There are millions of people believing astrology blindly. It has influenced our society to such an extent that even during a C- section, the baby is timed as per the astrologer’s good time.
And the matching of stars between a boy and a girl plays a vital role in our marriages. Though the divorce rate is the same in all marriages :)
3) Grandchildren’s caste
What would be the caste of the grandchildren ?? which language would the grandchild follow? In case of an arrange marriage for the grandchild what would be his/her position in the society??
And against all these odds, me and many more like me are still having hopes to convince our parents and win in our love life :)
So its only matter of time and may be they will also outgrow :)
Wish me luck ;)
Cheers
Priya
Hi, Priya,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comments. They are very helpful and you asked great questions to consider regarding grandchildren.
I was actually married to a man from Kerala about 25 years years ago so my daughters are Indian in appearance. (My current husband, David, is my second husband and we were only married last year.) My children have been loved and accepted by my family in the US and consider themselves Americans but have a true appreciation of their Indian heritage. (They are both in universities in the US at the moment.) We were married for 10 years and, although our marriage did not work out in the end, his parents accepted me as their daughter-in-law and my parents did the same. He is now married to someone from Kerala but lives in the US.
Again, your comments are very enlightening and helpful since you are going through this prospective matrimonial situation in the near future here in India.
I hope you find happiness and a life you deserve with a loving partner.
Be well~
Beth
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ReplyDeleteThank you Beth :)
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